parenting alone

Just a few days after our fabulous reconnecting night away, Joel left for five days to ski in Park City, Utah with six other men. I am sure there are many stories worth relating from that trip, but they're his to tell.

My story from those five days did not include late night poker games, shredding at Canyons, or sausage egg breakfasts every morning. My story is about parenting three kids by myself, a wonderful community of friends, and taking out the garbage.

How did you manage without Joel? people ask me. And the truth is, we did great. Liam and Milo really stepped it up - entertaining Lucy while I made dinner, doing their chores unasked, and remembering their belongings during the morning scramble to get out of the house. The other "ski trip widows" and I traded kids around so we all got to go to yoga, take walks, and spend a few moments alone. The sun shone all weekend, which helped. We missed Joel - the boys said it's not that you're not fun Mom, but it's more fun when Dad's here too.... (thanks?). But we felt independent. I felt independent. I am used to sharing the parenting and running of the household equally with Joel. We take turns making dinner, filling lunchboxes, driving kids to school, helping with homework, cleaning up after everyone goes to bed... I love that we are partners in all of this. But it's good to know that I can also handle it alone. It's somehow reassuring that I can keep things going in his absence.

Until I had to take out the garbage. I went outside the night before Joel returned, proud of myself for remembering that the garbage truck comes early on Wednesday mornings. It was raining, I was in my pyjamas. I grabbed the handle to roll the can to the curb and a sheet of water rolled off, soaking me to my skin and puddling in my dansko clogs. Ugh. In that moment I decided, I'm done. I'm ready to have my partner back. Come home Joel!

He did. He had had a great time, and with a few small exceptions, like the garbage, I did too.

valentines and other musings

On valentine's day Joel and I drove across the Cascades to Sisters, Oregon for a night in a cabin at the Five Pines Lodge. We were celebrating our first date, 14 years ago, and the beginning of our 15th year together. It was our first night away from all three of our children in almost two years - the last was a month or so before Lucy was born. We were almost giddy with the freedom.

We lounged.

We bathed in the silly but fabulous waterfall bathtub. (We didn't realize what waterfall meant until Joel turned the faucet and water started pouring out of the ceiling above.)
We drank wine and ate cheese and read our books. We woke up late and walked into town for breakfast and coffee.

On the way back over the mountains we talked about what's so great about these kinds of moments. We talked about how we are accountable every day to a schedule dictated by our kids. We get up when they get up, eat when they are hungry, drive them around when they need to go to school, soccer, playdates. We love our life and we love them, but they demand a lot. For 24 hours we didn't have to think about them, thanks to their Nonny who stayed with them overnight.

But even more than the freedom to sleep in, our valentines night away gave us the space we needed to reconnect with each other. We got to have conversations about things other than the next day's schedule. We talked about our careers and our families. We discussed the books we're reading and quirky New Yorker articles. We talked about what's going on with us, as individuals.

And then we came home to our three lovely children and our cozy home. And we were grateful for the chaos and the noise and the messiness of our lives too.

chocolate pudding

The other night at dinner Liam told me that he wished I would put pudding in his lunches. Pudding? He meant the little jell-o pudding snacks that you buy in six packs and are made mostly of corn syrup and artificial flavors. After I assured him that that would never happen, we decided that we should make our own. So he got on Epicurious and found a chocolate pudding recipe that we could tackle together. He measured the milk and sugar, separated the egg yolks from the whites, and whisked and whisked and whisked.

Ten minutes later we had four ramekins of rich, delicious, chocolatey pudding that was made from free range eggs, organic milk, and bittersweet chocolate. We ate ours warm. My mom used to make pudding a lot (pre-vegan phase) and she always used Baker's chocolate. I've used other, fancier chocolates for cakes and icings and puddings, but I always keep a few boxes of Baker's in the cupboard for occasions like this. It's easy and predictable, and the little parchment-wrapped one-ounce squares never fail to remind me of baking with Peggy.

• We doubled this recipe and had lots of leftovers. (Next time I will cut out about 1/3 of the sugar and add an extra egg yolk. It was a little sweet.)
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• 1/2 cup sugar
• 2 tablespoons cornstarch
• 4 ounces fine-quality bittersweet chocolate (not unsweetened)
• 1 1/3 cups whole milk
• 1 large egg yolk
• 1 tablespoon unsalted butter
• 1/4 teaspoon vanilla

In a heavy saucepan whisk together sugar, cornstarch, and a pinch salt. Chop chocolate and add to sugar mixture. In a bowl whisk together milk and egg yolk and gradually whisk into chocolate mixture. Bring mixture just to a boil over moderate heat, whisking constantly, and boil 1 minute, whisking. Remove pan from heat and whisk in butter and vanilla.

Divide pudding between two 8-ounce ramekins. Chill puddings in freezer, surfaces covered with plastic wrap, until cooled, about 30 minutes.