28 days

Lucy is a month old. How does that happen? Time is a strange way to account for the growth and change of a child. Some days take 24 hours while others take more and still others less. What is a month? I don't know. Lucy is fairing well out of the womb although it does make one wonder why there are no places to go to recreate the womb, I mean with the sack and the liquid and the feeding tube and all that. I know new agers like to do the whole rebirth thing but I am thinking more of that movie altered states, if that is what it is called out of my memory. I am sure there must be a place in Japan where you can rewomb yourself or in Northern California, they would feed you wine and goat cheese through the tube in your belly. Alas, I digress. Lucy is one month old or one month new or ten months old, perhaps she has been in the ether around us for a millenia. What is god? I ask Lucy. She poops and there you have it. All wrapped up nice and neat in a cotton tortilla, hopefully you want seconds and thirds throughout the night while you would rather be sleeping. I really like the waking up in the night to change diapers moment. It really makes me feel useful and somewhat manly. I don't know why it takes a man to change a diaper in the dark but in this house it does. I change the diaper prying at the cracks and creases with my little white cloth checking again and again, no diaper rash here. The being manly part is fun and rewarding, I swaddle the monkey and then back to the breast, not for me for her. I go back to my edge of the bed and I try to imagine what I want to dream of and then make that dream happen. I feel at times in the dark like this having changed a baby that I never really sleep and never really wake up. Time once again is elusive here in the middling hours between day and night and I am often lost. Back to the baby. The Baby. Lucy is swell. I have been thinking about how nice it is that Lucy has two big brothers that are interested. They watch the baby and coo and in general are sweet. They try to comfort the baby. Little boys reassuring little girls is fun and interesting to hear. It almost makes you feel as if you have done something right. Lucy calls, I must go. -joel